Your Worth

The danger of deriving your worth from an outside source. I hear it all the time - "my life sucks." Or, "why me?." How about, "No matter what I do I can't get ahead." We blame our lot (reference intended) in life on our parents, our situation, and most disabling of all - God. Hold on a moment, I'm not suggesting you run away from your faith.

However, I am suggesting one place less emphasis on God for all of life's blessings or curses. As Americans we are a selfish nation, by design. We honor and cherish freedom and equality. I think that's wonderful. With that has come the obsession of God "doing" things to us or with us. As though the only thought in God's mind is - you. The "personal relationship with God" movement has gotten completely out-of-hand. Religious institutions use it to draw people into the community. It gives people a sense of wholeness and hope they might otherwise not have. Do I believe it is harmful? Yes.

Organizing your life is up to you. You chose to get up today. You chose to behave the way you did. You are excelling in life or merely getting by, because you chose your path. Which is not to say that sometimes terrible things happen that seem out of our control. But does God really only "bring you to it if he can get you through it?" I don't think so. You can get through it.

So what role does faith have in the 21st century? A sense of tradition. An ability to marvel at the greatness that exists. An example of how we ought to behave. A place to organize help in desperate situations. It is a community. It is a family. It can define and shape us, but again, that's because we allow faith to have that place in our lives. Religion is a steady mate, a perfect mate, a family, a home. It's a wonderful thing to have.

So whether your life is bursting with blessings or writhing in filth and despair, it is you who must live it. You who must shape it. I think God could use a little help from us. In fact, God might appreciate the assistance.

Why me? I don't consider myself an especially empathetic person. In fact, if my Mother were reading this she might laugh at the thought. It's not that I don't care about people - I care deeply. However, I am extremely honest, sometimes to a fault, and that has gotten me into trouble from time to time. But now, now that is a huge asset. I can look my patients in the eye and tell them the truth - about me, about others, about themselves. And they open up. They let years of guilt and sadness and frustration out. They cry. They say things like, "I've never told anyone else about this. I feel very comfortable with you." It's extremely humbling and I cherish it.

Doctors often say, "Don't waste your time; patients never listen." I want to say, "Maybe it's you who isn't listening." People need to be heard. They need the time to find the words and courage to open up and have a discussion. I teach my patients by listening to them. I try to find where they are and join them on their path. Sometimes I suggest a new direction, but always with them by my side.

What will happen to me after I've been doing this for 10 years? I can only pray that G-d will give me the strength to keep on walking with my patients, because the journey is really amazing.