"No, I want you to stay." My dying patient in response to a staff-member asking me to leave. I stayed there with the spouse. I held my patient's hand. I watched my patient die. This patient was young; unlucky. The suffering ended; it was sad, tragic, but ultimately a freeing and welcome death. My patient finally looked peaceful. The patient's memory will always be a blessing for the family. I was sad, but emotionally okay.
Death in the midst of joy is another thing entirely. I had just finished watching a surgery for a pregnant patient that could have ended her pregnancy. Her unwanted pregnancy - again. She had several unwanted pregnancies. The surgery was successful; the baby did fine. Joy? Hardly.
Upstairs a mother labored - too early. We tried to stop it, but it was too late. Her precious miracle, the miracle she and her spouse so desperately wanted, was coming into the world before its lungs were mature. There was nothing we could do. The baby was born, wrapped up in a blanket, given to the mother. We all cried. We all grieved for this little life that was not to be. Will the memory of this baby be a blessing? I can only hope.
Today I got up to sunshine, birds singing, and children playing the in park. There are people walking their dogs and having conversations with their fur-babies. The trees are flowering and smell amazing. One mother is grieving for her unwanted pregnancy, while another grieves over the death of her baby.
Suddenly these three weeks away from my girls don't seem so tragic.
(Details changed to protect patient privacy)
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