A Perfectly Different Baby

Five down and two to go. Quarter five is now over. I didn't do too badly considering everything my little family has gone through in these last few months.

We knew when I got pregnant that I may not be able to carry her to term. We knew I might miscarry. When she was born five weeks early we were told she might have some brain damage due to her not receiving enough nutrition and possibly oxygen while I was pregnant. We knew she might have brain damage when her tiny four-pound body got bilirubin levels of twenty. We knew she might have cerebral palsy when she had sustained ankle clonus at two months. We knew she might have a seizure disorder. Now we are pretty sure she does not have cerebral palsy, but she might be autistic.

This all happened during fifth quarter. I did not fail even when I spent evenings playing with our Helena. I did not cry, because I love my daughter and will help her with whatever challenges she faces. Wasn't I even a little sad? Only occasionally, and then I am sad for her. I want Helena to enjoy her life and have every opportunity to thrive. She can do that even with a disability.

So does she have a disability? We don't know. The signs are there, but then again at nine weeks - Is she nine weeks old or developmentally only four, since she was born early? If she's only four weeks old she is nearly on schedule. We wait. We wait until she is six months old. That's a long wait.

My baby doesn't look at me. She doesn't smile much. She is very much in Helena's world. She loves music. She loves tummy-time. She loves to be tightly swaddled. She can stare at her grandma's quilt for hours. Is she disabled? I don't know. We wait.

People ask me - What can we do? I want you to look at my daughter. Hold her. Talk to her. You'll see - she's precious. She's perfect.