Survival!

I cannot tell a lie - third quarter almost defeated me. It is also true that most of my classmates did well. I did not. In fact, I almost failed three courses. Yes, three. I managed to salvage everything from the wreckage, but it was absolutely the most stressful time in my life to date.

Most medical students don't fail - we fight and claw our way to the top or out of the hole. Unfortunately, I am not at the top of the pile. This makes it very difficult to see myself as a competent physician. Wait! This post is not about to deviate into the dark; do not fear. It is something I have had to contend with my entire life - I am not that intelligent. How did I possibly get into medical school? I'm above average, but that's about it.

You don't need me to point out to you all of the doctors of the world who could recite their lecture notes verbatim from all four years of medical school and yet they can't identify a disease in a real patient. The human body just doesn't like to play nice.

To future doctors - I urge you to remain interesting. If all you've ever wanted in your entire life is to be an otolaryngoloist, you're awfully myopic. There are all kinds of interesting things going on inside one's patients. I have three goals - one is ridiculously lofty and the other two are reasonable. I will not be upset if I don't make goal number one. I enjoy learning and people are fascinating. It's too bad some students can't find satisfaction in these things. Perhaps it is a mixed blessing that I have to struggle so much.

And now - I will continue to enjoy some break-time before preceptorship begins. I have never appreciated my free moments more than I do now. Medical school is kind of like being a POW - it's terrifying and sometimes unbelievably horrible, and then you're freed and it's unbelievable. The simplest things are so beautiful - like sleep and painting one's nails.